September 18

Do you ever want to leave home but don’t know where you’d go? I’m afraid my feet will get dirty; where will I wash them?

It’s hard for me to stand in the shower. I have to sit down, slowly. Wish i could pull the warm water over me like a blanket. But I can't hold on–it’s always getting caught. At home my feet are clean. My bed is made. Sometimes i want someone to hold me real tight, and sometimes i want them to let me go. 

I’ve been in love once, i think. It happened very quickly. The third time we met. It was summer. I was in the backseat of my best friend’s car. She pulled up her olive green cami as she got in. no bra. smiled with her olive green eyes. Her freckles and brown hair. 

I still think about that summer, when i used to leave the house. Smell fresh air. I don’t know where to go now. I don’t know anybody, and nobody knows me. I never used to be this tired.